Answer
The saying, “I would rather have a living daughter than a dead son,” or vice versa, is a popular slogan expressing the response some parents have to their child’s declaration of transgender identity. The saying assumes that, if a son or daughter doesn’t embrace her self-perceived gender identity, she would commit suicide. This argument reflects a logical error called a false dichotomy, where two options are presented as the only choices when other alternatives exist. Thankfully, the Bible presents another option for Christian parents that promotes Christlike holiness and physical wellness in their children—speaking the truth in love.
The term transgender describes a person whose perception of his or her sex differs from the anatomy they were born with, such as a biological male identifying as a female or a biological female identifying as a male. Yet, the Bible is clear that God created two genders, male and female, and every person is one or the other, based on biology (Genesis 1:26–27). Transgenderism, whether it arises in a rebellious adult or a confused child, conceals the gender God assigned at birth according to His sovereign wisdom (Genesis 1:26–28; Deuteronomy 22:5).
The Bible should guide a Christian parent’s response to a child declaring himself to be transgender. Specifically, the parent should speak the truth in love, as this approach both upholds a resolute commitment to the authority of Scripture and expresses an unwavering dedication to their child. This response is rooted in the apostle Paul’s teaching that truth and love are complementary virtues: “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ” (Ephesians 4:15, ESV). As a result, truth reveals reality to a child, transforming confusion into clarity, while love demonstrates devotion to a child, transforming fear into security.
First, God commands Christian parents to tell their children the truth. Lying dishonors the truthful character of God (Romans 3:3–4), contradicts the inerrant nature of His inspired Word (John 17:17), violates His mandate not to lie (Proverbs 12:22), and is an affront to Jesus Christ, who identified Himself as “the truth” (John 14:6). Deceiving children about their biology is to exchange “the truth about God for a lie” (Romans 1:25) regarding the climactic event in the first chapter of Genesis—the creation men and women in His image (Genesis 1:26–28). Furthermore, willfully aiding and abetting falsehood undermines a child’s biblical worldview, threatens the trust he has in his parents, and disobeys fundamental principles of biblical parenting, including teaching children to live according to God’s Word (Deuteronomy 6:7; 31:12–13) and raising them in the instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).
Second, God obligates Christian parents to love their children. This includes being compassionate (Psalm 103:13), encouraging (1 Thessalonians 2:11–12), and affectionate (Luke 15:20). Moreover, biblical parenting involves correcting sin rather than accepting or tolerating it (Deuteronomy 8:5; 2 Samuel 7:14; Proverbs 13:24). Failing to correct children in a biblical manner jeopardizes their future (Proverbs 19:18; Hebrews 12:6). In contrast, loving correction should focus on clear teachings from the Bible regarding gender. Parents should apply Scripture’s timeless truths by gently but diligently refining erroneous thinking and kindly but firmly redirecting their children’s wayward behaviors.
Contrary to the misconceptions of transgender advocates, truth and love aren’t adversaries when it comes to biblical parenting—they are allies. Christian parents don’t have to forsake love to be truthful with their child or abandon truth to love their child. Additionally, Christian parents who communicate the truth about transgenderism to their child in unloving ways commit a sin of omission (James 4:17). Conversely, Christian parents who love their child but lie to them about gender commit a sin of deception (Proverbs 14:25). Yet hope arises when parents combine truth and love as God will work through both virtues to transform their child into the likeness of Jesus Christ (Romans 12:2; 1 Corinthians 11:11–16). Withholding the truth from a child is willful dishonesty; refusing to love a child is heartless betrayal.
