Answer
Infidelity creates a difficult and painful situation, one that involves all the emotions, and, for the Christian, can stretch faith almost to the breaking point. The best thing to do is “give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you” (1 Peter 5:7, NLT). If you have been wronged, go to the Lord for comfort, wisdom, and direction on a daily basis. God can help us through the deepest of trials.
Adultery is always wrong. “God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4). The injured party should rest in the truth that God is the avenger. The wronged individual does not need to fret over getting even. God will do a much better job of avenging us. When we are betrayed, we need to commit the pain to the One who knows every detail and will deal with it appropriately.
PRAY. Seek the Lord for wisdom, for healing, and for guidance. Pray for yourself, pray for the offender, and pray for anyone else involved. Pray for the Lord to direct your thoughts, words, actions, and decisions.
BE HONEST. A betrayed spouse is going to suffer the effects of deep hurt. It is appropriate to engage the anger and hurt caused by infidelity. Expressing these emotions to God can be a first step toward true healing (see Psalm 77:1–2). Giving our emotions and needs over to God allows Him to minister to our hearts so that we can begin to let go of the offense. Godly counsel from a Christian counselor or pastor is helpful.
BE WILLING TO FORGIVE. We are to forgive others as we have been forgiven (Ephesians 4:32). We should be willing and ready to extend forgiveness to anyone, including a spouse who has had an affair. Reconciliation may or may not be accomplished for some time, but the willingness to forgive should be present always. To harbor bitterness is sin and will negatively affect everyday decisions.
BE WISE. The restoration of trust is not automatic. It is wrong to think that forgiving an adulterous spouse today means everything will be back to normal tomorrow. Scripture gives us many reasons to distrust those who have proved themselves untrustworthy (see Luke 16:10–12). Rebuilding trust can only begin after a process of reconciliation. BE FORGIVEN. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). When a marriage is in crisis, both parties should ask God to help them see how each may have contributed to the whole situation and be released from the weight of guilt before God. From that point on, there will be freedom to seek His counsel and guidance. His Holy Spirit will enable them to do what they could not do on their own. “I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13).
As God leads, forgiveness and reconciliation are possible. No matter how long it takes, every effort must be made to forgive and reconcile (see Matthew 5:23–24). As to whether to stay or to leave, “whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful” (Matthew 19:9, NLT). While the innocent party may have grounds for divorce, God’s preference is forgiveness and reconciliation.
In summary, when a Christian’s spouse has had an affair, the wronged party must guard against bitterness (Hebrews 12:15) and be careful not to repay evil for evil (1 Peter 3:9). We should be willing to forgive and genuinely want reconciliation. In all things we must seek the Lord and find our wholeness and healing in Him.
