Answer
In an extended practical teaching on holy living (Ephesians 4:17—5:21), the apostle Paul tells believers, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption” (Ephesians 4:30). His command not to grieve the Spirit falls under Paul’s initial instructions covering what not to do to cultivate holiness and walk in Christian purity.
The Greek word translated as “grieve” in Ephesians 4:30 means “to cause to feel sorrow, pain, unhappiness, or distress.” As the third Person of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit has a personality and the ability to feel emotions like joy (Luke 10: 21), outrage (Hebrews 10:29, ESV), and sorrow (Ephesians 4:30, NLT).
In Acts 7:51, Stephen condemns “resisting” the Spirit, and in 1 Thessalonians 5:19, Paul instructs believers not to “quench” the Spirit. But the only time “grieving” the Spirit is mentioned in the New Testament is here in Ephesians 4:30. Paul’s command not to grieve the Spirit seems to be inspired by two Old Testament verses that speak of God’s Spirit being “distressed,” “grieved” (Isaiah 63:9–10), and “made bitter” (Psalm 106:33, ESV). In both Isaiah 63:9–10 and Ephesians 4:30, grieving the Holy Spirit is associated with God’s people having an inappropriate response to His redemption.
“Do not grieve the Spirit” appears to complement Paul’s opening exhortation to “live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:1–3). Believers grieve the Spirit when they do not maintain peace and harmony in the body of Christ.
Paul then gives specific ways we grieve the Spirit by living as we used to before our salvation when we were “separated from the life of God” (Ephesians 4:17–19). We grieve Him when we don’t speak truthfully to our brothers and sisters in Christ (Ephesians 4:25), when we let anger control our actions (4:26–27), when we steal from each other (4:28) and when we speak foul and abusive words to one another, instead of uplifting and encouraging words (4:29). We also grieve the Spirit when we don’t “get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior” (Ephesians 4:31, NLT), and when we fail to “be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32, NLT).
The Holy Spirit of God lives within the Christian (John 14:17; 2 Timothy 1:14). We are His temple (1 Corinthians 3:16), and when we don’t walk in the holiness and love of Christ and in harmony with fellow believers, we grieve the Spirit of God with our sinful thoughts and behaviors (Ephesians 5:1–21).
Grieving the Holy Spirit is similar to “quenching” the Holy Spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:19) in that both negatively impact the believer, the church, and the world. Quenching the Spirit speaks of stifling or suppressing the fire of God’s Spirit that burns within every believer. The Holy Spirit desires to express Himself in our actions and attitudes. When we do not allow God’s Spirit to be seen in our behavior, when we do what we know is wrong, we suppress or quench the Spirit. We do not allow the Spirit to reveal Himself as He wants to, with “love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22–23).
Both quenching the Spirit and grieving the Spirit hinder a godly lifestyle. Both happen when we sin against God and follow our own worldly desires, living as we did before accepting Christ’s salvation. The only correct road to follow is the one that leads the believer closer to God and purity and farther away from the world and sin. Just as we do not like to be grieved, and just as we do not seek to quench what is good, we should not quench or grieve the Holy Spirit by refusing to follow His leading.
