Answer
In Ephesians 5:21, the apostle Paul urges believers to submit “to one another out of reverence for Christ” (ESV). The meaning of this verse is first explained through the relationship between husband and wife (verses 22–33), and it is further explained through the relationship between children and parents (Ephesians 6:1–4). In this article, we will focus on what it means for children to obey their parents in the Lord (verse 1).
Ephesians 6:1–3 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a promise—‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’” In instructing the children, Paul quotes Deuteronomy 5:16, the commandment “with a promise.”
To fully comprehend the weight of Paul’s exhortation, we must first review the biblical context. The Mosaic Law prescribed severe penalties, including death, for children who struck or cursed their parents (Exodus 21:15, 17; Leviticus 20:9). These penalties indicate the seriousness of disobeying one’s parents.
In the New Testament, Paul lists disobedience to parents as a grave sin (Romans 1:30; 2 Timothy 3:2). Thus, obedience to our parents is more than a sociocultural expectation; it is a moral imperative rooted in God’s holy commandments. To disobey or dishonor one’s parents is to commit a sin against God Himself (cf. Luke 15:18).
In Ephesians 6:1, Paul unequivocally states that children are God-bound to obey both parents, emphasizing the shared importance of fathers and mothers within the family unit. It is crucial to note that a mother’s submission to her husband, as outlined in Ephesians 5:22–24, does not diminish her parental authority. Rather, it reaffirms the unity and shared responsibility of both parents to raise their children in the ways of the Lord, setting a biblical example of what godliness and love should look like.
The phrase in the Lord in Ephesians 6:1 modifies the verb obey. This means that obedience to our parents is not blind submission to human authority. Instead, we obey “in the Lord”; our obedience is rooted in understanding God’s design for the family unit and recognizing that our earthly relationships should conform to His sacred will. We obey Christ first, and in our obedience to Him, we will obey our parents.
In Ephesians 6:2–3, Paul provides a compelling reason for why such obedience is “right” or “just.” He cites the fifth commandment: “Honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12) to demonstrate God’s preceptive will for humanity. In the Old Testament, there were many commands with a promise (see Genesis 17:1–2), but this is the first and only of the Ten Commandments that contains a promise.
In the transition from the Old Covenant to the New Covenant, we notice a shift in God’s promise that obedient children will “live long in the land”; i.e., in the Promised Land. In the New Covenant, the land promise (Genesis 12:7) takes on a spiritual dimension. The promise does not refer to a section of physical land on earth; rather, it points to the inheritance of eternal life in the presence of God (cf. John 17:3).
Paul does not teach that salvation is based on works (see Ephesians 2:8–9). To the contrary, he teaches that obedience to our parents is evidence of genuine faith: “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (verse 10).
The injunction for children to obey their parents in the Lord transcends time and culture, resonating as a timeless truth and moral imperative rooted in the Ten Commandments. The duty to obey our parents extends beyond outward compliance to sociocultural or familial expectations, as it exemplifies a heart that has been consecrated to God: “I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.” (Romans 12:1).
