What does it mean that he who spares the rod hates his son (Proverbs 13:24)?

Proverbs 13:24 states, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” (ESV). In this proverb Solomon emphasizes the importance of parental discipline and the connection between love and correction. By saying, “Whoever spares his rod hates his son,” Solomon hints at the consequence of neglecting proper discipline.

Solomon’s statement, “Whoever spares his rod hates his son,” reflects the truth that love for a child requires care, guidance, and correction. In the cultural context of Solomon’s day, a “rod” represented authority, instruction, and physical discipline. For instance, shepherds used rods to guide and protect their sheep. Solomon extends this imagery to parenting. Failing to discipline a child harms the moral and spiritual development of that child. It is tantamount to “hating” the child.

Solomon’s statement also highlights the long-term impact of undisciplined parenting. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it” (ESV). Loving discipline develops a child’s character and prepares him for godliness. In contrast, a lack of discipline, which is really a lack of love, cultivates selfishness and irresponsibility. To spare the rod—to withhold necessary discipline and training—is a hateful act.

This proverb should be understood within the Bible’s broader teaching on discipline. Discipline should be motivated by love, not anger or cruelty: “Do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Speaking to those who receive the discipline, Hebrews 12:1 says, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” The discipline of children should be restorative and reflect God’s approach when disciplining us (Hebrews 12:6).

The teaching that “whoever spares his rod hates his son” challenges modern perspectives on parental discipline. In contemporary culture, discipline of any type is sometimes misconstrued as harsh or unnecessary. This perspective leads to permissive parenting styles, which “provide few guidelines and rules. These parents do not expect mature behavior from their children and often seem more like a friend than a parental figure” (Cherry, K., “Permissive Parenting Characteristics and Effects,” 12/23/22, www.verywellmind.com/what-is-permissive-parenting-2794957, accessed 1/8/25). The Bible says that failing to set boundaries and correct unacceptable behavior is neglectful rather than loving: “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother” (Proverbs 29:15, ESV). Effective discipline teaches children respect and accountability.

Importantly, the idea of using a “rod” does not suggest that physical punishment is the only form of discipline. The “rod” can be understood metaphorically. Disciplinary methods, corporal or otherwise, should be tailored to a child’s age, temperament, and situation. In all cases, discipline should be administered with love and wisdom: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21, ESV). A parent’s goal in discipline should be to strengthen relationships and prepare for a child’s future.

Parents should reflect on their attitudes and priorities when disciplining their children. Discipline requires consistency, patience, and a willingness to invest time in a child’s moral and spiritual development. Neglecting discipline for whatever reason can have negative long-term consequences. Proverbs 3:11–12 says, “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights” (ESV). Parental discipline should always mirror God’s loving correction of us and reflect His desire for His children to flourish.