Answer
The Bible speaks a great deal about forgiveness, both God’s forgiveness of sinful human beings and the forgiveness that human beings should have for each other. But these are not two separate, unrelated issues of forgiveness; rather, they are vitally linked. Intimacy with God and day-to-day cleansing are dependent on our forgiveness of others (Matthew 6:12), and our forgiveness of others is to be patterned on and an example of God’s forgiveness of us. So, this question is an important one.
God commands us to forgive. Our forgiveness is to follow God’s example: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32; cf. Colossians 3:13).
Our forgiveness is to be always available: “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times’” (Matthew 18:21–22).
Our forgiveness is to model mercy: “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful” (Luke 6:36; cf. James 2:13).
It is ever right to withhold forgiveness? After all, God withholds His forgiveness from the unrepentant. Sinners in hell remain unforgiven for eternity. Those who violate the command to “turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus” (Acts 20:21) have resisted the Holy Spirit and, in essence, commit the unpardonable sin.
God’s requirement that sinners repent of sin does not mean God is unwilling or unready to forgive. His heart is willing, and He “wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth” (1 Timothy 2:4). He has gone to the most extreme lengths imaginable to provide the means by which He can forgive—He sent His Son. Because of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross, God freely offers forgiveness.
In the same way, we should be willing and ready to extend forgiveness to anyone who asks (Luke 17:4). If we are truly thankful for our own forgiveness, we should have no hesitancy in granting forgiveness to a repentant offender, even if the wrong is repeated again and again. After all, we, too, sin again and again, and we are thankful that God forgives us.
At this point, it is good to remember that there are different species of forgiveness. Not all that we call “forgiveness” is exactly the same.
One type of forgiveness accomplishes a reconciliation between two parties. The other type of forgiveness does not accomplish reconciliation.
For example, God’s forgiveness of the believer results in reconciliation between the believer and God. Second Corinthians 5:18–19 says that God “reconciled us to himself through Christ. . . . God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them.” When we are saved, God cancels the debt we owed and restores our relationship. In Christ we now have a favorable relationship with God and are accounted His children (1 John 3:1).
But the Bible also reveals a type of forgiveness that does not lead to reconciliation. On the cross, Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). But not everyone present at Golgotha that day was reconciled to God. Jesus prayed that they would be forgiven, but no reconciliation resulted. Was Jesus sincere in His prayer? Yes. Was universal reconciliation the result? No.
In the same way, Stephen, as he was being stoned to death, prayed, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them” (Acts 7:60). Stephen held no bitterness, and he forgave his murderers. They were not reconciled to him, but the type of forgiveness he extended did not require that.
We forgive others because we have been forgiven by God. We forgive because God commands us to forgive. We forgive because we must not harbor bitterness in our hearts (Hebrews 12:15) or repay evil for evil (1 Peter 3:9).
When we forgive, we reflect the heart of God, who is patient and “does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent” (2 Peter 3:9, NLT). Our Lord takes no “pleasure in the death of the wicked” but is “pleased when they turn from their ways and live” (Ezekiel 18:23).
The fact that reconciliation does not always follow forgiveness means that the restoration of trust is not automatic. It is wrong to think that forgiving an abusive spouse today means the separation should end tomorrow. Scripture gives us many reasons to distrust those who have proved themselves untrustworthy (see Luke 16:10–12). Rebuilding trust can only begin after a process of reconciliation, and, as we’ve seen, reconciliation does not always proceed from forgiveness.
