Answer
The Bible provides clear guidance on when it’s appropriate for Christians to agree to disagree and when they must end fellowship. God calls believers in Christ to avoid disagreements whenever possible within the church, the family, and everyday relationships (Romans 12:18; Hebrews 12:14).
The concept of “agreeing to disagree” involves an understanding that neither party will change the other’s mind, so the subject is dropped. According to the Concise Oxford English Dictionary, agree to differ means to “amicably stop arguing because agreement will never be reached” (Soanes, C., and Stevenson, A., eds, Oxford University Press, 2004). When two people say, “Let’s agree to disagree,” there is usually an implied mutual tolerance and desire for peace. Scripture commends peacemaking: “Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness” (James 3:18; see also Matthew 5:9; Proverbs 12:20; Romans 14:19).
In most instances, Christians are urged to maintain unity and avoid the damaging effects of division. The apostle Paul wrote to the divided church in Corinth, “I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose” (1 Corinthians 1:10; see also Philippians 2:2–3; 4:2; 2 Timothy 2:14; 2:23; Proverbs 17:14; 20:3; 1 Peter 3:8). Unity does not imply total uniformity. We don’t have to agree on everything but should seek to live in harmony and peace with other believers. Our unity binds us together as a community of believers, strengthening our relationships with one another and bolstering our individual walk of faith.
Sometimes, when believers agree to disagree, fellowship can continue; other times, an amicable split is called for. In Acts 15:36–40, a disagreement between Paul and Barnabas caused a temporary separation, but they later reconciled their differences (see 1 Corinthians 9:6; 2 Timothy 4:11).
As unpleasant as the situation may be, sometimes disagreements among family members cannot be avoided. Nevertheless, we should do our best to accept others’ differences, stop arguing, and extend forgiveness and love (Romans 14:1; 15:5; 2 Corinthians 13:11; Colossians 3:13–15).
Sin is the primary reason for disagreements in the church (Proverbs 6:12–14; 17:19; Galatians 5:19–20; James 3:16). Our pride often leads us to provoke one another (Galatians 5:26). When someone disagrees with our opinion, we have three choices: 1) we can stubbornly try to force our position, 2) we can listen and consider the other person’s position, or 3) we can agree to disagree.
It is acceptable, even preferable, for Christians to agree to disagree and continue in peaceful fellowship over topics and doctrines of relatively minor importance. For example, how often we take communion or our specific views on an end-times timeline are not worth arguing over. Even less important are issues such as the color of the carpet or the snacks served in children’s church—yet even these things can cause division if we’re not careful. As has been said, “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing” (Covey, S., Merrill, A. R., and Merrill, R., First Things First, Simon and Schuster, 1995, p. 75). If we can agree on the “main things”—the essential doctrines of Christianity—then we can agree to disagree on the rest.
Paul warns Christians not to involve themselves in petty arguments, especially about spiritual matters: “Remind everyone . . . and command them in God’s presence to stop fighting over words. Such arguments are useless, and they can ruin those who hear them. . . . Again I say, don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights” (2 Timothy 2:14, 23, NLT). Paul tells Pastor Titus to “avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless” (Titus 3:9). But there does come a time to separate: “Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned” (Titus 3:10–11).
In cases of outright, willful sin or immorality in the church, believers are not called to agree to disagree. Instead, to protect the body of Christ and restore the sinner to a right relationship with God, Scripture teaches believers to initiate restorative steps as outlined in Matthew 18:15–20. When church discipline is necessary, it can sometimes result in the need to end fellowship. Paul addressed one such situation in Corinth when a male church member was living in sin with his stepmother (see 1 Corinthians 5:1–13). Some in the congregation were actually boasting about the situation, and complacency toward sin was spreading throughout the church. Paul commanded the believers to repent and to take corrective action by formally removing the man from the church fellowship.
Heresy in the church is an additional situation in which believers should break fellowship. There can be no “agreeing to disagree” with heretics. Those propagating false teachings or who deny the faith are to be removed from the church. If that cannot happen, those standing for the truth should leave (Romans 16:17–18; Titus 3:10; 2 John 1:9–10).
